WHERE DO I BEGIN...

I know its been awhile, but LL has prompted me to start blogging again. In case you didn't know, LL was recently photographed with the rotting teeth of a meth addict, right after an oral rinse of baked beans and _______ (insert nasty noun here).

Well, 2 weeks later (and a few dramatic court hearings followed by even more dramatic excuses..)LL has tweeted a pic of herself with her new teeth. Her tweet says: "Thanks Dr. Dorfman for the Zoom...." Here are few problems I have with LL, including her tweeted pic of new Chiclets:

1.) Kitty cat, Zoom is whitening. What you got are called Veneers. Jesus. We're not all as high as you are, stop trying to kid, girl.

2.) Girl, as soon as your saw your teef in the press, you obvi freaked out (or depending on how lethargic you were to notice, your publicist and mom-ager freaked out) and went to take care of that mess pronto! But....girl why when there are all these drunkened and drugged pics of you looking a hot mess, and you can't help yourself out (on the insides)? I mean, I guess you have priorities!

3.) I love how in the tweeted pic of her new teefs, you can clearly see the mound of cig butts in the ashtray, as well as a glass some sort of alcohol (that is not apple juice, puhlease). She has already introduced her new teefus to their new best friends, alchohol and tobacco. Way to break in that new set!


I think she should just move to Montana, wear a perma Ralph Lauren Collection apache blanket coat, and get her shit right. Who's with me?

I'm Going Green

And I don't mean in the enviro sense. Although I do secretly sometimes wish to be beep-bopping around in a Prius, especially on days when I spend $70+ dollars to fill up my gas-guzzling SUV. ANYHOO...I digress. What I mean by going green is that I'm digging all of the fashions out there right now that are, wait for it....GREEN. Here are a few that just tickle my pickle.

Courtesy: Mulberry
This Mulberry Heritage Bayswater Satchel pictured on Nicole Richie (above) from the AW 2011 Collection is just splendid. While I keep my luggage-sized handbags near and dear to my heart, I am really loving this scaled-down bag.

Courtesy: Revolve Clothing

These Current/Elliott jeans might make my stems look like a pair of crisp green beans, but I'm willing to take that risk. They're actually en route to my house right. now. Can't wait! PS LOVE LOVE LOVE shopping at Revolve Clothing. Free shipping, no tax (if outside of CA), free returns/exchanges, friendly owners. LOVE.

Courtesy: www.netaporter.com

Ummmm...this dress is so wickedly hot that my eyes (among other things) are burning. There are no words for how divine this creation by Gucci is. I'm currently swirling and twirling into a deep depression that I can't acheive my full emerald goddess-ness potential in this sweeping vision unless I come up with a cool $3,900, and fast. I'll bet Demi Moore shows up somewhere in this dress and steals my thunder. What a b*tch.

Happy.

I am mad at Monday (today). But the only thing to make me stop losing my temper every 11 seconds are these! I know these are from Spring, but I just can't quit them.

Summer Sickles

My body came under attack last week from a nasty virus, infecting my sinuses and lungs. Otherwise known as summer sickles. Being sick in the summer is no bueno, so I was very bummed to be bed ridden for a whole week. Being sick, restricted to my sick bed, and nodding in and out of consciousness resulted in my removal from civilization for 1 week.
I did, however learn a few things while my sinuses were fighting for their life:

1.) Sudafed does NOT make shower soothers anymore. WHY?! I bet people got addicted to the menthol sniffs.

2.) TV programming in the middle of the day during the week is targeted to 60 something women who have more than 1 cat.

3.) Burning your sinus cavities is possible. When the Neti Pot directions say lukewarm, trust it.

4.) Attending a "Gypsy" or "Traveler" wedding in the UK is something that just got added to my Bucket List! I hope my invite is in the mail...

5.) Being on a diet of soup, tea, and Nyquil is THE summer swimsuit diet. I'm emailing the Patent Office tomorrow morning, and calling a Z list celebrity (I'd call their agent, but let's be honest, they don't have one) to see if they will be my spokesperson. Will they be offended if I pay them in Campbell's Soup To Go's and Sudafed?

I'm glad to be feeling better. On another note, I'm getting excited for Fall fashion! I love love love love Fall, so plenty of Fall Fashun posts to come!

LIVE SHOPPING!

Well, here's one more thing to distract me. Live shopping on Net-a-Porter.com! It's a live map of the world, showing who's putting what in their "shopping bag". This is almost as fulfilling as shopping myself. Sometimes after watching this, I forget that no, I actually did not just get a pair of Valentino booties, and a Notte gown...that was some chick in Austria who I was shopping vicariously through. I've made a few observations after spending numerous hours (um, yes) watching other people shop on here:

1.) J Crew sells on Net-a-porter. Who knew?!
2.) People in Dubai love the bejewled garments.
3.) Not so much activity in Afghanistan...
4.) New York + UK= RICK OWENS, WOOLFORD, TEMPERLEY. THAT'S IT.
5.) CONFIRMED: The Japanese wear tiny sizes.
6.) China=ghost town.

check, check, check it out! (They ARE having a good sale, after all...)
http://www.net-a-porter.com/live

Meow-nsieur Chat Blanc!

Marie Antoinette and Louis would be proud of their country man Béla. Mostly because of his period costume and face make up.

Voila!

Bela: L'Homme Chat from Paul Trillo on Vimeo.

Driftwood Diva

A shot from Angelina Jolie's Louis Vuitton ad campaign was released today. She's in Cambodia, sitting on a piece of driftwood (what they might call a "boat"), with no make up on (I'm giving the side eye to that one), and wearing her VERY OWN Louis Vuitton Alto Carryall (I see you, girl). This is the same campaign from LV that features Sean Connery,Bono and his wifey. All of these folks are on that conscious tip...it's all about core values, guys!

I like Angelina, I really do. I mean, she's gorgeous, she gives $456 million dollars a year to charity, serves as an amb-ASS-ador (sorry, I had to) for the U.N., and gets to look at Brad Pitt all the time...
I'm sure she's just trying to make all of us look bad.

On another note, this reminds me of the time I went into the Louis Vuitton store in Paris (not the massive one that is now on the Champs Elysees, the smaller one on Avenue Montaigne...b/c I know you care). It was the Soldes time of year (Sale season). Every designer hole in the wall puts gobs of stuff on sale at this time of year. So I naturally sashayed into Louis Vuitton asking where the Soldes was. Well, Cruella Deville gave me le meanest glare ever and proclaimed in her most Frenchy English, "Mademoiselle, there are no sales at Lew Veetawn"! I know, cool story.


pic: WWD